we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
