I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
