my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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