I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
