I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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