Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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