don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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