Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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