Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
