did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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