yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
