Can i not drive my cunt home
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
