and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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