Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
