i barfeds in our rink
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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