Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
