Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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