I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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