its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
