Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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