i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
