Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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