Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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