Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My pussy is not your playground.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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