They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
