that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
