I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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