I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
