THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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