so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
