YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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