I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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