New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
