I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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