It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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