So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
