no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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