Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
