We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
