i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
