Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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