i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
