come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize