The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
