party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
