Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
sex in a hospital.. check
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
