I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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