If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
