Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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