you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
