well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
