I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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