evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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