Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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