Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
