woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
