we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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