Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
