My hand turned me down
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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