I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
