I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
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I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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