I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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