Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
