i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
bring money and cleavage
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
