yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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