Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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