The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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