My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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