she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
