so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
