i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
