Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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