I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
