So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
