Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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