His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
