Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
