I need to stop coming to work sober
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
