These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
