Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
