her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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